Ohai again, I've been silent for some time now.

My life has been quite busy for the last few months. Sadly, not necessarily in a good way. Both good and bad things have happened and this fucking pandemic has worn on my patience and general well being.

Climbing

I've been climbing outdoors as much as I can. The grades are so much harder outdoors compared to my local gym but I enjoy outdoor climbing so much. It feels more "real" and the lack of other people (gym bros) make me able to relax and try really hard. Also, it feels like there are more "consequences", every climb is a tiny free solo endeavor.

The downside is that I've been climbing very little indoors and I've lost a lot of my edge there. There's a huge mental barrier for me regarding this. To climb and preform well with people potentially watching (and judging) me is not something that comes easy to me. This is clearly something I have to work on. Nobody cares anyways and I'm well aware that it's all in my head. My plan is to catch up slowly get back into shape.

I had the goal of breaking in to a higher indoors grade range during 2021. It looks like this is not going to happen.

School and Wage Slavery

I'm currently studying Functional Analysis. It's very challenging for me. At the moment I'm not so sure that I will pass this class but I'll do my best.

At least I'm still working half-time, making life bearable with some non-trivial amount free time at my disposal.

Hax

I've haven't done a single CTF/challenge since Basic Pentesting. The same goes for Project Euler and any programming in general. 😢

I've been setting up some Linux machines due to stupid mistakes, like forgetting a FDE passphrase, but that's about it with regards to computer stuff.

Mind

I've been able to keep up a meditation practice everyday for over two months now. I'm actually very impressed with myself.

This has come with the realization that I'm more likely to keep at it if I wrap up my practice in a suitable interesting and meaningful framework.

I'm also struggling with breaking my addiction to nicotine. I wish I could say that it's going well but it's very hard. I always manage to get through the first phase but it's so hard not to fall back into old habits.

I'm also considering trying to taper off my prescribed anti-anxiety meds when the time feels right. This is a long term project though, I'm in no rush to get this done.

Future Starts Slow

The most important aspect in my life right now is that me and my partner will move into a new place. About the same size, a tiny bit more expensive but in a less horrible part of town. It has a small garden! This means growing some food, chili and setting up a bench for bonsai. It's also close to some boulders with established problems in a reasonable grade range and the area is beautiful. I'm so happy about moving. It feels like starting over.

I feel a little better and more stable. Things are actually looking up. Even though I tend to fall back to utter hopelessness.

We'll see how things turn out. I'll try to update this blog a little more often in the future. I have some drafts waiting to be refined and published.